


Coming Of Age: 15 Songs to Tell You How Much I Missed You And Still Love You.

by montes-carpatus (Carpathyah)



Series: Coming Of Age [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Developing Romance, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Male Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1957491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carpathyah/pseuds/montes-carpatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holding hands doesn’t work through internet connections, but words felt like kisses to the head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Of Age: 15 Songs to Tell You How Much I Missed You And Still Love You.

**Author's Note:**

> Coming of Age is a series of shorts based on falling in love, first kisses, sloppy first times, and realizing that life goes on, good or bad. Working with unpopular Ragehappy ships.

It was a weekend in July. The year was 2006, and his ripped jeans had caught his attention. He had a friendly face and he was alone. He just happened to be there at the right time because he noticed his band t-shirt. They met when the sun was warm and the music in the distance filled their ears. He was only sixteen and he was going on eighteen. He had come to town to see a friend and yet, he made a new one among the thousands that were there that day.

“I’m Ray,” he introduced himself, pushing his long curls away from his face.

“I’m Daniel, nice to meet you,” he said with a smile.

“You came a long way,” Ray told him.

“I’m here to see a friend but he couldn’t make it today,” he admitted.

“My friend couldn’t make it either.”

They stayed together on the grass, listening to the music around them and waiting for the one band that they were going to see. As the sun set in the distance, Dan followed Ray through the crowd, grabbing at his shirt to not lose sight of him. They stood near the fence, gripping onto the metal and watched the lights turn on and present the band in all their glory.

Ray knew every song by heart. He knew the tracklist by heart. He turned to Dan once and he was happy to see him singing the words as well with the biggest smile on his face. Their throats got raspy by the fifth song but it didn’t stop them from singing the lyrics from the top of their lungs among the hundreds behind them.

The encore made their throats hurt but there they were, walking side by side away from the stage with smiles on their faces and their quick pulses from the adrenaline rush.

They had to part, probably for good, or until time can give them a date on the calendar to meet again. Dan was going the opposite way of Ray and Ray wished that he lived south for once. Dan had pulled out his ticket that he shoved in his pocket and scribbled his address on it.

“Here’s my address, hope to hear from you soon Ray,” he said as he gave him the ticket. Ray shoved it into his pocket before realizing he was going to miss the last bus home. He thanked him and said his temporary goodbye before running to catch the bus. The bus ride fel unfulfilled, as is he caught a butterfly to only let it slip through his fingers.

A home address? Was he still stuck in 2001? Ray stared at it as if he didn’t have to get up and buy stamps to write an actual letter to someone in England. There must be more than just sending a letter in text.

He thought that maybe, maybe he could send him a mix CD of songs that he listened to besides the one band they saw together. Yeah, that should work.

Thirteen songs from the hundreds he burned onto his computer.

Almost ten dollars to send the damn package to Oxfordshire, wherever in England that was.

A month had passed and an orange envelope had appeared in his mailbox. He had come home from school when it stuck out of his box due to his size. His eyes widened to the name and he rushed inside to open in. Inside was a response and a CD.

_Hey Ray!_

_I’m so glad you’ve kept in touch. Your CD was bloody incredible and it’s been in my car since I got it. Hope the start of the school year is treating you well, I’m going to be in the Army soon. Here’s a CD back as well._

_Truly, Dan_

Ray slipped the CD into his computer and put on his headphones. There were some familiar tunes and some that he had never heard of ever.

_Hey Dan!_

_Got your CD, it’s pretty awesome. Here’s another CD to help you kick ass in the Army. By the way, good luck with that…_

It was an exchange of sentiments and by the time Ray had gotten his tenth CD in the mail for his seventeenth birthday, he wished that he could see him in the flesh again. There was a want to experience life again like they did on the night of the festival.

_…You’re really cool, and, to be honest, I want to see you again soon. Any chance you’ll come back to New York?…_

_…As much as I want to Ray, I’m busy training until November… I’m sorry if I don’t get the chance to write as often.._

_…I got an email, and a Skype like you wanted me to get those many months ago.._

Maybe there was hope because when Ray added him to his contacts, the little green bubble declared he was online.

_Ray: Dan? You online?_

_…_

_Daniel Gruchy: Hey! I’m working on my laptop._

Ray’s heart jumped in his chest. He was talking to Dan in real-time.

_Ray: I’m so glad this is happening. How’s training?_

_Daniel Gruchy: Pretty intense and I am too. I’ve missed talking to you._

The nights and days were rough on both of them. Dan was up in the early hours in the morning, hoping to catch Ray when he was awake late at night playing video games.

Words became careful touches that danced around their hearts that tugged when they believed the time was right.

_Daniel Gruchy: Go to bed sleepyhead, it’s 2am over there._

_Ray: Good morning to you too._

_…_

_Daniel Gruchy: How can a guy like you not have a girlfriend?_

_Ray: I don’t know. Why don’t you?_

_…_

_Ray: Will you ever visit again?_

_Daniel Gruchy: I’m working on it. I feel the same way._

_…_

_Daniel Gruchy: You know in the army it’s a don’t ask, don’t tell kinda policy._

_Ray: I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I couldn’t tell the world about the person I’m dating._

Ray laid on his bed, with the CD that Dan had sent in the week before. His eyes were closed and his hands rested on his stomach. In almost a dream-like state, his mind drifted to remembering Dan’s voice and his laugh. He remembered how his arm rubbed against his in the crowd. His legs couldn’t stay still; twisting to the imaginary touch.

He couldn’t hear his own moans through his headphones as his hands pulled down the zipper of his pants to relieve pressure on his erection. His mind drifted to feeling his hands on his waist and his beard on his neck. He pushed down his boxers and began to stroke himself in the heat of his fantasy.

He pumped to the chorus of the song, almost belting out the lyrics in tune with his moans. He reached out for the box of tissues just in time to groan out the ending and stop the mess before it got everywhere. His body shook as he calmed down from his orgasm, feeling the wet tissues under his palm.

“What’s wrong with me?” He asked to no one in particular. “Am I gay? No… But Dan… No! Fuck, no, I’m not gay.” he was almost yelling over the next song that began to play. He fixed himself up and went to his Xbox to play a round or ten of Halo to clear his mind. It sat at the back of his head and buzzed in his thoughts like an annoying mosquito. The profanities shouted by his gamer friends began to feel different. They weren’t jokes anymore and he had to turn it off in frustration.

The conversation that night felt odd. Ray could feel his fingers shake as he typed out his good morning as if Dan knew just by the way he logged in.

_Daniel Gruchy: Good morning to you too. How are you doing?_

_Ray: Fine, and yourself?_

The words felt forced and the conversation was kept short. He wished his goodnights and got ready for bed. The covers were cool as he slipped in and huddled his pillow. His mind was filled with Dan and the “stupid” messages he kept sending.

“As if he doesn’t realize…” Ray thought, clenching his pillow tighter. He tried to shake the thought that another man in another country was making him feel weak in the knees. “Maybe I’m bisexual, yeah, I still like girls, and tits, but, Dan is so cool and nice.” Ray grumbled. Sexuality was something he never wanted to deal with. Ever since kindergarten, had he teased the girls and played with the boys. High School came along and the girls were getting cuter, he couldn’t deny but there wasn’t one that stood out. He never really looked at boys either but Daniel Gruchy walked into his life and all he could see was his well-built arms and legs from what he’s seen in random photographs he sent him. It made him dizzy just thinking about it and he soon fell asleep.

_Daniel Gruchy: Hey! My mom got a webcam for my laptop, mind if we try it out?_

_Ray: Sure!_

Ray looked up to his. One he never used but it was there anyways, ready to turn on at his will. His eyes darted back to the screen and a call came up for him to accept, and suddenly he was face to face with Dan again. His webcam turned on as well and Dan’s smiling face was enough to make Ray smile back large enough to make his cheeks hurt.

_Daniel Gruchy: God, you told me you cut your hair but I would never think that short in my life!_

_Ray: You’ve grown out your beard._

Ray thought he was beautiful, sitting there in his uniform with the sunrise lighting up his bedroom and his face.

_Daniel Gruchy: You okay there Ray?_

_Ray: You look good in your uniform…_

Dan’s face lit up like Christmas and it only made Ray’s heart beat harder and harder in his ribcage. He couldn’t deny it, he was gay for Daniel Gruchy, a thousand miles away across the ocean. He wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

_Daniel Gruchy: Thank you. You look great at 2am yourself._

**Oh no.**

Two am conversations became almost torturous as Dan wanted their webcams on every night and Ray would sit there, hoping to God that Dan wouldn’t catch the blush on his cheeks when he looked down at his keyboard to type.

Dan’s twentieth birthday was on the horizon and Ray believed he should confess to him. It was almost four am on a Saturday morning when Dan logged in. Ray was exhausted at this point, he hadn’t slept for days and it was catching up with him.

Dan’s face was smiling when he saw Ray half asleep on the other end.

_Daniel Gruchy: Go to bed, I’ll be home early enough to see you after training._

_Ray: sorry_

_Daniel Gruchy: It’s fine._

Ray was slipping and Dan watched him fall asleep on his keyboard.

_Daniel Gruchy: I love you._

_Daniel Gruchy had signed out._

Ray saw it the next morning when he realized he fell asleep on his desk (again). It was something to have your heart beat hard enough that you can hear the blood rushing into your ears at nine in the morning.

Never had the clock mocked him so much. The ticking on the wall, counted the seconds, minutes, hours until Dan would come back online from training. Even video games couldn’t pass the time fast enough.

It was six in the evening…  _Daniel Gruchy had signed in._

_Ray: Dan! Welcome home._

_Daniel Gruchy: Yeah, hi._

_Daniel Gruchy: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything._

_Ray: Put on your webcam._

The live video broadcasted Dan. He seemed bashful and all Ray wanted to do was tell him…

_Ray: I love you too._

He mouthed the words as he clicked send. Dan smiled, and looked away. He didn’t blush but more fidgeted in his seat. He took off his camo coat to his white t-shirt. It took him a while to go back to the keyboard.

_Daniel Gruchy: So, how are we going to make this work?_

_Ray: I have no idea._

In the back of their minds they knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Time zones. School. Training. Dan going off to the Middle East. Ray working part-time at Game Stop. There was only CDs and late night conversations before a trip to keep them together.

_Daniel Gruchy: When we meet, I promise to make a huge deal out of it._

It was late 2011 when they both agreed to take a break. The naked pictures, and the countless playlists weren’t working anymore without the physical touch that relationships come with. It was hard on the both of them. Dan had stopped sending CDs and so has Ray. They had tucked them away in boxes as memories of a time when they thought love was possible over an internet connection stemmed from pen and paper. Ray was occupied with his video work for Rooster Teeth and Dan was traveling so much that a computer came last for him.

It was July 2013, when Ray’s co-worker Gavin was bringing his best friend from England to Austin to film some videos. Ray didn’t pay attention to it. His friend wouldn’t be here long anyways.

“Hey Ray, Dan’s here, and he has something for you,” Gavin announced loud enough so Ray would hear him through his headphones.

“I’m coming,” Ray sighed as he got up from his seat and out of the office. He looked up to see the familiar face that he had almost forgot standing there with a CD in his hands. They stood there, staring at each other.until Dan lifted his gift and Ray started to laugh. It was real, Dan was standing right in front of him, seven years later.

The CD case had  _15 Songs to Tell You How Much I Missed You And Still Love You_  written on it in black marker.


End file.
